Bhoomi's diary

There’s this small ice cream shop behind my house.
The shop owner’s daughter sits outside the shop on her little table. And the other night she was smiling at me, so I smiled back at her.
And I made it a habit that every time I went to that shop, I greeted her with a smile.
No verbal exchange, just smiles.
Her smile warms my soul and brings joy to my heart.
I keep wondering how she must adore me and if only she knew how much I adored her too.

And going on long walks heals me, for I’m only human;
I sit there and observe the lives of people. I go near the kids park and smile at the kids; they’re the most genuine people ever, and their smiles are infectious.

I’m also learning that the world is willing to give if I’m willing to ask. I have to create my own happiness; I don’t have to beg the universe for it. I have to find the beauty around me, in the mundane even on bad days. I have to find what gives me joy and soak in its warmth.

I saw a guy in the metro holding a book I just finished reading, so we talked about it and it led to a wholesome interaction about books. If I had hesitated and never talked to him, I would’ve never gotten a solid book recommendation and discovered a new app for book reviews.

And just about yesterday I went on a walk, and I saw these guys playing badminton. I watched them for a while and eventually just got the courage to ask them if I could play, and surprisingly, they let me. It was a random game, we were around 6 people trying to shoot the shuttle with 3 on one side and 3 on another. It was a really fun experience. And if I hesitated I’d be deprived of it.
The universe gives to those, who are willing to ask for it, without hesitation and with courage.


And beauty is all around—because in the metro the other day, I was jamming to music and dancing, and I saw this guy standing beside me doing the same. Even in a seemingly mundane and what probably was not even a real interaction, I smiled. Because to me, it was so beautiful to merely exist in a space with a stranger while they reciprocate my energy without even realizing. We were jamming to our own music, but in that space, he passed my vibe check, as my generation would describe it.

And I saw the prettiest girl in the metro the other day, so I told her she’s pretty, just went up and said it to her—you’re pretty and you looked really adorable singing along to music, like the main character of a movie. And she smiled, and it lit up my world.

I smile at kids, at dogs and cats, and at strangers of all ages. And in my own ways I give the universe my love for the more I give it, the more I feel it in my heart. The universe sends each bit of my love back to me, in the form of hope, an undying hope.

My life hasn’t been the smoothest; there are problems at home, and I just got dumped a month ago, and somedays I’m lying deep in the realms of my misery. A breakup was the last thing in my already messed up life and I loved him, but well, it wasn’t meant to be, and it hurt like hell; it still does. But I couldn’t just stand there and stare at my wounds forever. There were too many of them, and I kept screaming nights to my walls- what did I do to deserve this? But after all the crying, I had to get back up, I had to mend my wounds with love, with patience.
They ran deep, but they were not beyond repair.
So I tried; I kept trying to find happiness and hope.
And even on nights that were difficult, I let the poison out of my blood so I cried for hours, listening to sad music. Heck I even wrote my own breakup songs, and vented to my friends.

And I kept writing; in hopes that one day my words will run dry. My heart will feel lighter. So I can drain all my hurt out of my system—with words and tears.
And one day the storm will be over, even if it’s not today or tomorrow. One day it will all be fine.
One day it won’t hurt so much anymore.
And I feel it; I feel the sun shining on me and feel the warmth in my chest. The hurt leaves me because I choose my words over any weapons. I choose to write instead of dwelling over my thoughts.
I choose me, and I choose to heal.
I choose to brave these storms.

I choose to be patient with myself all throughout my hurt—I let myself feel it all, but I don’t let it consume me.
All in hope, in one ondying hope that one day I’ll be sitting in my little house on my porch. I’ll be curled up in a blanket while it’s raining, and reading a book with a cup of tea in my hand. Reflecting and being proud of myself for surviving it all.
One day I’ll paint under the sun on a summer afternoon in my garden full of beautiful flowers. I will be at peace knowing that I made it through everything and still I’m alive and well.
One day I’ll go stargazing in the mountains and trace every constellation and marvel over its beauty.
So I keep going on— for my dreams, for everything that I’ve ever wanted, relentlessly bracing everything and braving all the storms that took over my world. For this too shall pass